The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody but one woman laughed uproariously. "What’s the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Don’t you have a sense of humor?" "I don’t have to laugh," she replied. "I’m quitting Friday." —From UCS' Workplace Jokes For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 a.m. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. So when 9 a.m. passed one day without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at 10 a.m., Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in and explained "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself." The boss responded, "And rolling down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?" Non-union electrician: "I've worked for this company for eight years, and I've been doing the work of three people. I want a raise!" Contractor: "I can't give you a raise. But tell me who the other two people are. I'm firing them." —From Workplace Jokes: Only SOME of Them Will Get You Fired! A business looking for office help put a sign in the window saying, "Help Wanted: Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A dog walks in, types out a perfect letter and keys in a flawless spreadsheet. The manager admits that "you’re obviously an intelligent dog with some interesting abilities, but I still can't hire you." When the dog puts his paw on the sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer, the manager says "you have to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager calmly and says... Click here for the punchline. |